feedback-mastery

Feedback Conversations

Overview

This skill provides frameworks for navigating difficult workplace conversations and delivering effective feedback. Whether you're addressing performance issues, resolving conflicts, or giving constructive feedback, these structured approaches lead to better outcomes.

Core insight: Research shows that employees who approach difficult conversations with preparation and a clear framework are 60% more likely to reach a positive resolution than those who engage without a plan.

When to Use This Skill

Use this skill when:

• Preparing to give feedback to a colleague or direct report
• Addressing performance issues or missed expectations
• Navigating conflict between team members
• Having 1:1 conversations about sensitive topics
• Receiving feedback and wanting to respond constructively
• Managing expectations with stakeholders

Keywords: feedback, difficult conversation, 1:1, one-on-one, performance, conflict, expectations, behavior, confrontation

Core Frameworks

The Preparation-Delivery-Follow-up Model

A three-part structure for difficult conversations:

The SBI Feedback Model

Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) structures feedback to be specific, objective, and actionable:

Why it works: SBI removes assumptions and focuses on observable facts, reducing defensiveness.

Preparation Phase

Step 1: Understand the Issue

Ask yourself:

• What exactly is the problem? (Be specific, not vague)
• How does it impact the team, project, or company?
• Have I gathered all relevant facts?
• Is this a pattern or a one-time event?

Step 2: Define Your Goals

Before the conversation, clarify what you're seeking:

Tip: Use if-then statements to clarify stakes:

"If this behavior continues, then the project timeline will suffer, leading to missed deliverables."

Step 3: Manage Your Emotions

High emotional intensity reduces cognitive processing by 30%. Before the conversation:

• Am I calm and in control?
• Have I separated facts from personal frustrations?
• Have I considered their perspective?
• Can I present this without accusation?

Reframing technique:

Delivery Phase

The Three-Step Delivery Formula

1. Open with neutrality and intent
2. Present the issue using facts, not blame
3. Encourage dialogue and solutions

Opening Lines That Work

Facts, Not Blame

Key principles:

• Use specific examples, not generalizations ("always," "never")
• Stick to observable behaviors, not assumptions about motives
• Focus on impact, not character

Encouraging Dialogue

After stating your observation, shift to collaboration:

Follow-up Phase

Even successful conversations need follow-through to create lasting change.

Follow-up Checklist

• Document agreed-upon action items - What specifically will change?
• Set check-in dates - When will you revisit this?
• Provide ongoing support - How will you help them succeed?
• Celebrate progress - Recognize improvements when they happen

Sample Follow-up Message

Hi [Name],
 
Thanks for the conversation yesterday. I appreciated your openness.
 
**What we agreed to:**
- [Action item 1] - [Timeline]
- [Action item 2] - [Timeline]
 
**Check-in:** Let's reconnect [date] to see how things are going.
 
I'm here if you need any support. Thanks for working through this with me.
 
Best,
[Your name]

SBI Examples for Software Teams

Positive Feedback

Code Review:

Situation: "During Tuesday's code review for the authentication module..." Behavior: "...you provided detailed comments on potential security vulnerabilities and suggested efficient fixes..." Impact: "...which strengthened our security posture and saved the team hours of debugging later."

Collaboration:

Situation: "In yesterday's architecture discussion..." Behavior: "...you asked clarifying questions and built on others' ideas instead of pushing your own solution..." Impact: "...which helped us reach consensus faster and made everyone feel heard."

Constructive Feedback

Missed Deadlines:

Situation: "When we were finalizing the API deployment last Thursday..." Behavior: "...your testing results came in two hours after our agreed cutoff..." Impact: "...which delayed the release, risked our SLA, and caused the QA team to work overtime."

Meeting Behavior:

Situation: "In our sprint planning yesterday..." Behavior: "...you were on your phone for most of the discussion and didn't contribute when we asked for estimates..." Impact: "...which left the team without your expertise on the backend stories and made others feel their time wasn't valued."

For more examples: See references/feedback-sbi-model.md

Common Difficult Scenarios

Scenario: Performance Issue

Situation: A developer consistently delivers code with bugs.

Approach:

1. Prepare: Gather specific examples (PRs, bug counts, timelines)
2. Deliver: "I've noticed [X bugs in last Y PRs]. I want to understand what's happening and how I can support you."
3. Explore: Ask about workload, clarity of requirements, testing confidence
4. Collaborate: "What would help you feel more confident about code quality?"
5. Follow-up: Check in after agreed changes, recognize improvements

Scenario: Conflict Between Team Members

Situation: Two engineers disagree on technical approach and it's affecting the team.

Approach:

1. Meet separately first: Understand each perspective
2. Find common ground: What do they both want? (Working product, good code, etc.)
3. Facilitate together: Focus on facts and trade-offs, not personalities
4. Establish decision process: How will the team decide when there's disagreement?
5. Follow-up: Check that the solution is working

Scenario: Unrealistic Expectations

Situation: Leadership wants a feature in half the time needed.

Approach:

1. Prepare: Data on similar past work, breakdown of required tasks
2. Deliver: "I want to make sure we're aligned on what's realistic. Here's what I'm seeing..."
3. Present trade-offs: "We can hit that date if we [reduce scope/add people/accept risk]"
4. Collaborate: "What's most important here - the date or the full feature set?"
5. Document: Get agreement in writing to avoid future misalignment

For detailed scripts: See references/difficult-conversation-scripts.md

Receiving Feedback Well

When you're on the receiving end:

During the Conversation

1. Listen fully - Don't prepare your defense while they're talking
2. Ask clarifying questions - "Can you give me a specific example?"
3. Paraphrase to confirm - "So what you're saying is..."
4. Acknowledge impact - Even if intent was different: "I can see how that affected you"
5. Don't get defensive - Thank them for raising it

After the Conversation

1. Reflect honestly - Is there truth in the feedback?
2. Identify actions - What will you do differently?
3. Follow up - Let them know what you're changing
4. Ask for ongoing feedback - Show you're committed to growth

Quick Reference: Difficult Conversation Checklist

Before

• I understand the specific issue
• I have concrete examples
• I've defined my goal for the conversation
• I'm emotionally regulated
• I've considered their perspective

During

• I opened with neutrality and intent
• I stated facts, not blame
• I used SBI for specific feedback
• I asked for their perspective
• I focused on solutions, not just problems
• I documented agreed actions

After

• I sent a follow-up summary
• I scheduled a check-in
• I'm providing ongoing support
• I'm recognizing progress

Companion Resources

• references/feedback-sbi-model.md - Full SBI framework with more examples
• references/difficult-conversation-scripts.md - Opening lines and responses
• references/expectation-alignment.md - Managing stakeholder expectations

Recommended Reading

• "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson & Joseph Grenny
• "Difficult Conversations" by Stone, Patton, Heen
• "Radical Candor" by Kim Scott
• Amy Edmondson's research on psychological safety